The Importance of Self-Love

I look into the mirror at least five times a day. When I'm washing my hands. When I'm flossing my teeth. Perhaps while I'm brushing my hair. And these are just the times when looking in the mirror is almost a necessity. Don't even mention the instances when I glance in the mirror at school, whether it's in the smelly east hallway bathroom or on my phone screen (selfie mode, am I right?). Some of my friends are constantly gazing at themselves in the mirror, fixing a strand of hair or polishing up their make-up. Make-up isn't bad; if that's how you choose to express yourself, then the more power to you. And I have nothing against mirrors. They are useful inventions, so cahoots to whoever thought to create reflective glass. But they can also be extraordinarily damaging.
In said smelly east hallway bathroom, there just so happens to be a mirror. It hangs across from the hand dryers, perfectly positioned for a quick outfit check on the way out of the door. So, the teachers at my school are pretty cool people. At the beginning of the school year, they stuck adhesive words onto that mirror. They read You Are Amazing. Girls in the restroom guffawed when they saw this. "Does Mrs. Castillo really think we have that low of self esteem?" they would ask each other, jokingly. I'll be honest. It made my heart happy. It seemed my peers felt so confident that they found morale-boosting messages to be comical. But that's when things went down hill.
About a month into the year, the letters spelling 'are' had disappeared. Then the 'zing' of amazing peeled away. Our mirror was left with: You    Ama, which was not exactly inspiring. It didn't even make sense. No matter. The days, weeks, and months passed. Finally, we all arrived at this week, May 21st through the twenty-seventh. When I arrived in the restroom during lunch period today, I saw that someone had filled in the blank spaces where the stickers had been. In red Sharpie. They now read You Are Not Amazing. 
I know. Yikes. Pretty disheartening, huh?

Yes, this is a tale of stickers on a bathroom mirror. But it is also a story of how people, especially girls, view themselves as inferior all. The. Time. Boys are currently not allowed in the girl's bathrooms at school. This means that it was a girl who wrote the sad, sad, phrase on the mirror. A girl who, maybe trying to be funny or a bit rebellious, ended up belittling herself and the rest of my female classmates. Peer pressure is a real thing. Back in the good ol' days of elementary school, I didn't understand how one could be harassed into doing things. How on Earth could the need to fit in combat with the knowledge that drugs can kill you? Why would one's wardrobe be based entirely on what was 'cool?' To an eight year old, it just made no sense. But now I'm older. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that I'm a tad bit wiser, too. Most unfortunately, I've seen people I know succumb to peer pressure. Just a few weeks ago, a couple of boys were suspended for dealing illegal substances. Several girls in my grade may as well not be wearing clothes, their shorts as so tiny. And the foul language? Ugh.
Peer pressure comes in all shapes and sizes. In my experiences, however, it has been most prominent in the idea that everyone should fit a specific mold. The girls should have long legs, shiny hair, and tiny waists. Cellulite is a taboo. The boys need to be tall and muscular and have brilliant, beautiful eyes. They need to be funny, a little bad, and very polite. Insert an eye roll here. Who came up with these picture perfect human beings anyway? Don't go pointing fingers at Photoshop. Photoshop didn't do it, friends. We created Photoshop. We generated these impossible, unattainable ideas of perfection. Society is the monster that is making us feel useless.

But let me tell you a little secret. WE ARE NOT USELESS. WE ARE NOT WORTHLESS. EVERYTHING THAT WE ARE IS ENOUGH. I happen to be super short. Like, can't-reach-above-the-third-shelf-at-the-grocery-store short. There is no gap between my thighs, and I have stretch marks from overcoming anorexia. Oh boy, am I proud of those stretch marks, reader. I have freckles, and a few pimples, and psoriasis on my head. I could also care less. The mirror used to dictate how I felt about myself. The scale determined whether it would be a good day or a bad day. I filled my lunch box with ice pucks so that it would feel full of food, even though it was empty. I starved away my insecurities, literally and metaphorically. Things have changed. Time has ticked by, and I have grown up. Now, those insecurities and flaws are what make me special. I don't have an ideal weight, because I refuse to be defined by a number. I just eat healthy, exercise, sleep, and practice self-love. It's no easy feat. I trip and fall all the time. On occasion, I'll look into that mirror and despise what I see. That's okay, my friends. That is okay. As long as we focus on the bigger picture, and what is truly important, our journeys of self-love are already well underway.

I thought about including a definition of self-love on this post. Like, a definition in the words of Google Dictionary or Merriam-Webster. But I realized that self-love is too personal to be defined. Too individual to each of us. To me, it means a cup of green tea and a square of 92% chocolate after a long day. It means morning workouts and tap dancing and watching films with my friends. Self-love means listing the things I love about myself when I look in the mirror - I am healthy. I am happy. I am a friend. These are the things that make me, Maya Epstein, who I really am. What is self-love to you, reader? What do you treasure about the wonderful person that you are? Let me know in the comments below!

"Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself" - Coco Chanel
-Maya

Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash, Photo by Zachary Nelson on Unsplash,
Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash, Photo by Lea Khreiss on Unsplash