Forgiveness

Have you ever encountered someone who is constantly a downer? Of course you have! These folks are just an inevitable part of our lives. No matter what, they seem to be in a bad mood. The sun can be shining, the birds chirping, and the sky a clear, bright blue, and still there is a frown creasing their features. Some people wouldn't recognize joy if it was staring them right in the face. It's really too bad; negativity never gets anyone anywhere. Alas. Gloominess is a force that we constantly have to reckon with.

For instance: the other day, I had a substitute for biology. My teacher, Ms. Brown, is very sick (get well soon, Ms. Brown!), and standing behind the vase of sunflowers on her desk was an unfamiliar, elderly gentleman. Now, first impressions can be completely misleading. But I got a cynical sort of vibe from this guy - he was scowling at everyone in the room, had his arms crossed tightly, and just appeared to be downright grouchy. It was my last period of the day, so I was feeling a bit mentally drained as I took my seat. Lying there on my desk was a pop quiz. By no means was it hard (we were just reviewing graph interpretations), but I was ready to go home and have a cup of strong, hot tea. A test was not the first thing on my mind.

All throughout roll call, the sub told us how loud and noisy we all were. He told us we would fail in life if we didn't learn to listen. He also told us that he'd be letting Ms. Brown know how terrible we'd been (after five minutes of class). To be fair, some of my peers were a bit chatty. But we'd just gotten back from lunch, it was a Friday, and it was the last of eight long classes! After spitting his venomous threats at us, he instructed the class to begin the quiz. Yes, we were allowed to us calculators. And if we had questions, we had better not talk to the kids next to us, but ask him. Sighing, I turned my attention to the bar graph in front of me.

The quiz was simple enough. I got to the third and final page without any difficulty. When I arrived at problems 23 and 24, however, I was stumped. Was it just me, or were these two questions asking the exact same thing? I reread them over. And over. And over again. My brain was scrambled. Why would Ms. Brown write two problems that tested the class on the same piece of information? I had to be missing something.

I stood and approached the waspish substitute with an uncertain smile. "Excuse me," I said, "I'm a bit confused. These two questions, numbers 23 and 24, seem to be exactly the same. Is it just me?" There was dead silence as he reviewed my exam. Then he tossed it back onto the desk, scoffing.

"One question is asking about computers and the other is asking about windows. What are you? You are supposed to be a s-c-i-e-n-t-i-s-t." He drew out the last word and gave me the most belittling, superior look. My good mood evaporated. Although his statement had been short, and shouldn't have hurt my feelings, it did. The substitute obviously thought that I was extremely dim-witted. Did he seriously believe that I'd asked my question just to annoy him? Why would I do that?!? And why did he have to talk to me like I had the brains of a cane toad nearing the end of its life?

"Oh. Thank you," I whispered. I realized that my eyes had filled with angry tears, and hastily blinked them away. It was amazing that his cruel tone had overpowered all of the joys I had experienced that day. I wasn't thinking about our wonderful Spanish lesson the period before, or how my friends and I had laughed our lunchtime away. All I could think about was how stupid, about how worthless that crotchety old man had made me feel.

I was upset, but I still finished the quiz. I checked my answers twice, just to make sure that everything was answered correctly and meticulously. I'd show that substitute; a 100% would wipe that condescending glare off of his face for sure. After I turned in my test, I began to think. I thought about how much I disliked this sub. I thought about telling him how he had, unintentionally or not, hurt me. I thought very, very angry thoughts for a very, very long time.

The more I sat there in silence, though, the more the direction of my brooding began to change. Perhaps this guy in his khaki pants and boring shirt had been having a horrific day. Maybe he was going through some tough stuff, or was unhappy. Was his dog sick? Had he discovered black mold growing in his laundry room, and was worrying about paying for its removal? Had the coffee shop accidentally handed him a pumpkin spice latte instead of the black coffee he had purchased? Did his favorite book character just die a tragic death? Okay. It is true that I have a bit of an overactive imagination; there probably wasn't black mold growing in the substitute's laundry room. But the truth is that we never really know. Everyone is fighting a battle that we know NOTHING about. It is unfair to hold grudges against people dealing with their own troubles and struggling to cope. Life is just too short for hatred and bitterness.

I began to recite something to myself, sitting there in biology with my chatty class, the pessimistic sub, and Ms. Brown's sunflowers: he and I aren't so different. We both want the same thing. We both crave happiness and acceptance.

We all crave happiness and acceptance.

That man certainly hadn't woken up that morning with the intention of upsetting me. For Pete's sake, he couldn't have even known he would meet me! He hadn't written "shoot a sharp insult at Maya Epstein" in his agenda, and deep down, I knew this. The substitute had pulled back the curtains this morning for the same reason I had - to feel the sunshine beating a tattoo of warmth across the room. He had eaten breakfast this morning to prepare for the day ahead. He had gotten into his car and wheeled off towards school to help Ms. Brown and my peers. And he craved the exact same things that I did: to be happy, and to be accepted.

So, Mr. Spectacled, Grouchy Biology Substitute. I forgive you. Of course, you'll probably never see this post, but if you ever stumble across it and remember the angry words you fired at this little, blonde-haired girl, she forgives you. And she would like to remind you that she wants the exact same things in life as you: to be happy, and to be accepted.

In the words of Lewis B. Smedes, "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." After all, we are all human. No one is perfect, we are all flawed, and we all want the very same general things out of this beautiful roller coaster ride called Life. Happiness and acceptance come in different shades, much like colors. Happiness to me looks differently than happiness does to you. But at their cores, these two values are identical to each person on the planet. The next time someone drives you up the wall, stop to take a deep breath before responding. Ponder what is truly important in life. Consider if the person is worth working yourself up over. And then chose to forgive.


"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it." - Mark Twain


Our differences make us unique, but it is in our common ground that we find unity.

- Maya

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