Be Your Own Valentine

Hello, dear reader! Today is a very special day for a certain company called Hallmark. Have you heard of it? Probably. They sell cards and Love Is Magic! Unicorn Musical Stuffed Animals and... ya know... chocolate? Just a wild guess. Well, Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.

All jokes aside, Valentine's Day is a really weird holiday. Some people simply adore it, post adorable pictures, and probably go out for a fancy dinner. Other people couldn't care either way. But Valentine's Day can be a pretty rough day for a lot of people, especially in my age group. Why? Because we are teenagers. It's that bizarre time in life where people are changing mentally and physically, all while attempting to discover who they are. We are all trying to be ourselves in a crowd - that is to say, an individual among individuals. Confused much? Yeah. Me too. Trying to fit in is confusing; although practically everyone wants to belong, we make it so hard for each other. We are judgmental. We are mean. And whether we intend to or not, teenagers have a funny way of draining the self-worth of their peers.

Funnily enough, Valentine's Day happens to be one of the days when this attack on our enoughness is most evident (spell check says 'enoughness' isn't a word... well, it is now). If you're single, you know the feeling - scrolling through countless photos of couples, seeing your friends parade through the halls with a bunch of roses, going home, eating chocolate alone, and feeling miserable. Does this sound over-dramatic? Yes. But it happens, I swear.

Because the thing is, on Valentine's Day, there is a lot of pressure to be with someone. This is especially true for girls, though I'm sure everyone feels this way now and again. If girls aren't in a relationship, they sort of feel like they've failed. Like they're supposed to have been selected by some guy, gifted a teddy bear the size of a Mini Cooper... chosen. Claimed. Not alone. If you're single on Valentine's Day, you're expected to be a dejected recluse and spend the day moping about. In fact, as the article "How to Be Alone on Valentine's Day" brilliantly points out, if you are single (and, in particular, a single woman) there can be a sense of "deep, deep shame... of Not Having Been Chosen or being Single AGAIN on Valentine's Day."

To me, this is sad on multiple levels. For one, people feel like they are not good enough if they haven't found their person yet. Individuals mourn someone they've never met, which will officially get them nowhere. Moreover, people forget to love themselves first.

You will be, for always and forever, your first love, because it is impossible to truly love another human being without recognizing your own value. To accept love, you must be love. Before loving someone else, you must appreciate your own capacity to love. Your ability to love. You must love yourself first. A lot of people, and some of my old friends, disagree with me on this point. They say it is perfectly easy to treasure another person without giving yourself that same amount of recognition and acceptance. I will never agree with this. I believe that you cannot pour from an empty cup. You cannot give the best version of yourself to other people if you do not take care of you. You cannot be their everything if you are nothing to yourself.


I repeat: You must love yourself first.

So, if you, like me, are single this Valentine's Day, please take the time to care for you. Watch a silly rom-com. Play your favorite sport, bake vanilla cupcakes with strawberry jam filling just because they make you smile, spend time with your friends, sleep. Do something that brings you joy. Learn to admire who you are; a wonderfully imperfect creature with marks and scars and stories to tell. Love your complexities. Consider the parts of yourself you do not like. Tell yourself you are okay, more than okay, just as you are. This life is far too short to spend another day at war with yourself; do not pour from an empty cup - water and nurture your own garden instead.

Additionally, I invite you to remember that February the fourteenth is about so much more than romantic love. It's a day set aside for love; that means the love you have for your English Mastiff Susan, your baby brother, your family, your best friends, ALL of the people that make life worth living. Tell your friends how much they mean to you. Give your math teacher an extra smile. Let people know that they matter, that they are loved, and that you are beyond grateful to have them in your life. Love you. That's what this holiday is about.

It's not about being in a relationship. It's not about the white chocolate raspberry creme truffles, or the Instagram pictures, or the brown paper bags elementary school kids decorate and fill with Dollar Store valentines. It doesn't even have to be about Hallmark or consumerism.

It's love. Everything. All of it. Remember to love people fiercely, without swerve. Remember that this abundance of love is not contained in the box on the calendar for February 14th, but can spill into every single ordinary day. And, dear reader, above all, remember that love will always, always trump hate.

Roses are red/ Violets are blue/ Thank you for reading/ I'm grateful for you.

With love,
Maya

Postscript: Today is the first anniversary of the Stoneman Douglas High School Shooting. Never forget the seventeen people who lost their lives to gun violence; enough is enough.

Photo by Steve Halama on Unsplash, Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash,
Photo by Benjamin Davies on Unsplash, Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash,
Photo by Jason Briscoe on Unsplash, Photo by Ankush Minda on Unsplash