Beauty Is Not Your Only Currency

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Note: This post has bad words, so if you're easily offended, maybe skip over this one ;)

"You still fine as hell (insert the mouthwatering emoji)." "You have the downright prettiest eyes." "You single right now?" "Prettiest girl I know." "You're so stunning." "Those eyes." "Damn B, you got juicy lips, mmm (insert not one, but three mouthwatering emojis)." "You sexy tho."

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Visualize it. You're opening the Instagram app. It's in the Pink/ Purple folder on your color-coded phone screen (because, let's face it, Gen Z-er's are extra and like things that are, quote-on-quote, 'aesthetically pleasing'). The app loads, and suddenly, your eyes are assaulted by a colorful display of artsy walls, selfies, avocado toast, and... stories. You know. The classic Instagram story. Sometimes you get a clip of your favorite artist's new song. Others, you get boomerangs of girls in crop tops sipping boba pearls. But occasionally, you'll see the 'Ask or Say Anything' sticker.

Those are always fun.

In my opinion, said stickers are a perfect exemplar of how people communicate these days. You're not talking to someone face to face. Forget a phone call. You aren't even direct messaging or texting them. Instead, you're communicating on a public little chat, for anyone to see. And here's the best part... no one knows who you are, apart from the person who started the 'Ask or Say Anything' sticker. It's (usually) entirely miscellaneous. If an alien species were to land on Earth right now, I think they'd be shocked at the ways in which we converse. Or perhaps they'd just be amazed. Instagram question stickers are, admittedly, quite a fascinating bit of tech. Who cares if they're taking us farther and farther away from what human socialization is meant to be. They're cool. They're fun. And the mystery associated with them is a little bit thrilling.

Over screens, through sequences of ones and zeroes, we find it easier to say things we wouldn't face-to-face. People are braver. Bolder. Fearless, one might say. Why am I convinced of this? Because that's what the cyber safety presentations the school counselors gave back in middle school always said. But also because I'm pretty sure a guy wouldn't walk up to a girl he's scarcely talked to in the middle of a lunch period to say, "Damn B, you got juicy lips, mmm (insert not one, but three, mouthwatering emojis)."

I mean, I could be wrong.

It's possible.

...but I don't think so.

Alas, though we'd probably never say these things to each other while having actual conversations, they come up all the time over the vast spiderweb that is social media. I don't know about you, but I think I'd be pretty offended if a random stranger walked up to me and said "You sexy tho."

Back when I had Instagram, I used to see responses like these on girls' Question Sticker Stories. All. The. Time. Don't get me wrong. There's nothing bad about building a girl (or anyone, for that matter) up or telling them that they are beautiful. These comments, in moderation, can help people to feel better about themselves. Complimenting someone's eyes is not an awful thing to do, by any stretch of the imagination. But you know what I do find problematic? When these responses are the only ones people (but especially teenage girls) get on their Question Sticker Stories.

Because, see, people are beautiful. I get it. But they are also so much more. And I think that's something everyone, but particularly teen girls, don't hear enough.

You know that one trailer from Spider-Man: Far From Home? The one where Tom Holland... er... Peter... tells MJ something along the lines of "you look very pretty"? To which she responds "and therefore I have worth"? That line exists because people love their comedy, and Zendaya delivers it like a champ. But sadly... that question is something a lot of people ask themselves, often subconsciously, in our society. We are told we are pretty before smart. They like our bodies before our minds. We are complimented on our appearances before nearly everything else. And while these praises are likely uttered with the best of intentions, they lay the foundation for an extremely flawed mindset: that a person's beauty is their only currency. That beauty is, if not all that matters, surely at the top of the list.

If you are beautiful, you'll probably get the hot guy from the football team. If you are beautiful, then you are obviously happy. If you are beautiful, you have the whole world at your feet. Right?

I think not. Recently, I watched a TED Talk delivered by model Cameron Russell; she made it very clear that models, the skinny ones you see in the magazines and on the television, are some of the most self-conscious people in the entire world. Day to day, they are judged based on the volume of their hair, the bounce in their step, the measure of their waists in millimeters. Everyone is looking at them, all the time, critiquing their posture, their figure, their expression.

Modeling sounds a heck of a lot like high school. Now imagine going through high school... as a career. By no means am I trying to downplay models or the modeling industry. If this is something you enjoy... go you! My points are as follows: for one, beauty does not equate to joy. Thigh gaps and flat stomachs don't always mean happiness. For another - you should go watch Cameron Russell's TED Talk. It's awesome.

To quote Ms. Russell, "image is powerful. But also, image is superficial." The dazzling aqua eyes you had in your youth will, one day, have faded to a powder blue. Your skin won't always be smooth and wrinkle-free. You will age, imperfections will become an inevitable part of you, and this is okay. You're not the same person you were last year, and you likely won't look like the same person, either. I repeat: this is okay.

You know what I think is beautiful? Evolving. Watching a person come into their own, do things that bring them joy, and ultimately, learn what it means to love themselves. I think beauty can be found in the ways people extend their hands when you fall down. It can be seen in kindness. It can be seen on hot summer nights with friends, between the lines of books, and in a single word.

Beautiful is not so black and white. Really, nothing in this world is.

In conclusion, dear reader, it is okay to tell someone you loved their hair today, or that they look nice. It's more than okay -- it's kind. It'll make them feel good. However, I challenge you to add some non-appearance related compliments to your bag. Comment (kindly) on someone's mind. On their heart. Let people know that while you do see their external beauty, you also recognize a sort of goodness inside them. A goodness that doesn't wrinkle or fade over time. A goodness that defines them, a goodness that is them.

I challenge you: learn to see a person. I challenge you: don't respond to someone's Instagram question sticker with "You still fine as hell (insert the mouthwatering emoji)." It'll make a nice change -- that mouthwatering emoji is way overused, anyway.

With love,
Maya

P.S. Happy Mental Health Awareness Week! Take care of yourself.

Photo by Amanda Dalbjörn on Unsplash, Photo by Stanislav Štajer on Unsplash,
Photo by micah boswell on Unsplash, Photo by Frederick Tubiermont on Unsplash,
Photo by Joe Ciciarelli on Unsplash, Photo by Rizhan @saltandsunny on Unsplash,
Photo by Hello I'm Nik on Unsplash