Hopeful - Austyn's Guest Post

Hey everyone. It's been awhile, hasn't it? I say that literally every blog post, but it's true - life's been crazy, the sheer quantity of math projects I'm receiving is not okay, and rehearsal for my school's production of 1776 is well underway. Though my stress levels are a little above average, some wonderful things have happened, too. Pumpkin spice lattes are back, but I still order the cappuccino. Monday is the first day of fall. And tomorrow, I'm going to see the Downton Abbey movie!

But best of all are the people. It seems that, after about a month and a half at a new school, you really begin to make friends. People finally start talking to you, and you are finally brave enough to talk to them. One of the lovely friends I've made is named Austyn. He's in my choir class, has great taste in books, and always lets you borrow his phone to text your mom that she can't pick you up for another hour because the school is under a tornado warning. Great guy, I must say. Austyn was kind enough to write a guest post for you today. Not only is it eloquently written, but the post tells an inspiring story, beautifully inked and profoundly personal to Austyn. I'm so honored to share it with you all. And now, without further ado, I turn the pen over to Austyn:

“Mum, Dad, I’m transgender.”

Little did I know that those four words, spoken at 10:33 pm on October 12 of 2017, would change my life. Nearly three years ago, I was an insecure, socially awkward young girl named Emma. I was named after the book “Emma” by Jane Austen, hence my chosen name being Austyn. Since that anxiety-inducing night, I have grown drastically. Besides the fact that I have started hormone replacement therapy and changed physically, emotionally my mindset has shifted more so than I had previously expected. Testosterone, the male hormone, not only causes its recipient to masculinize, but emotionally feel different as well. Besides the obvious increase in anger, appetite, etc., I have felt very different being perceived as a male versus a female.

As sad as I am to say it, I feel much more comfortable walking alone at night. Previously, I had felt vulnerable and feared being attacked whereas I now feel more comfortable and can appreciate the beauty and therapeutic experience of walking or driving at night. I sincerely hope that every woman will someday be able to experience this feeling as well. Along with that, I have begun the dreadful, yet inevitable, fight against toxic masculinity. Upon partaking in a conversation with another boy my age, I have realized that being a man comes with very different challenges. Although women definitely have a lot to face in today's society, men also have quite a bit to deal with both internally and externally.

I have found it difficult to combat the stereotypes of men my age without outing myself. I recently was told that a person did not understand how I could become a man and not act like one. This has caused to consider what I believe that it means to be a man. To me personally, being a man is much more than it does in the biological sense. It means being kind, careful, and interpretive. It means caring for others and helping them if I can. It means standing up for myself and others. Granted, these are also traits that I believe to be associated with anyone, regardless of their gender; however, I think that it is important to implement these ideals into male culture as opposed to being strong, overtly independent, and unable to express emotion besides anger.

In a little less than two weeks, I will be undergoing a procedure referred to as a “double mastectomy with chest masculinization" - essentially the removal of breast tissue. I have been struggling recently to fully grasp the idea. This is a surgery that I have wanted and needed for nearly three years. To think that I went from being eleven years old and attempting to cut off my breasts with a Swiss army knife to now finally being able to experience the euphoria of not having to deal with that which has caused me so much pain is so monumental. 

I feel hopeful for myself, our society, and the world. 

- Austyn 

Photo by Vladislav Nikonov on Unsplash, Picture From Austyn, Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash,
Picture From Austyn,  Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

Contact Austyn at austynblair4@gmail.com

The Trans Lifeline: 877-565-8860